It’s no secret to any of my close spiritual friends, nor even some of my distant Christian brothers and sisters. I have difficulty with prayer. Prayer to me is the most sacred of conversations with the LORD God and Jesus Christ that I can have. So when I begin my prayer, I start sharing the words on my heart, when suddenly I start canceling the words out and stopping them short, because they sound vain and unworthy for my Holy LORD God and Savior Jesus Christ’s ears.
I am a “stutterer” in prayer. It is a difficulty I have had all of my spiritual life. It is my complete reverence for my God and my King that renders me dumb. The more closely I walk the walk of Jesus, the more I draw close to the LORD God and complete the works He Wills me to do, the more difficult prayer becomes to me.
Oh, there are moments when prayer is natural and forthcoming from my lips. When I find those special moments when I am moved by the Holy Spirit to places outside of myself in worship, or when I have exceeding sorrow, or uncontrollable joy, then my soul shouts and sings the words of God that my lips would never be able to speak. It never happens in public, and it never happens when planned….those periods of soul prayer happen naturally, but not as often as my heart desires.
“Now I am come to make thee understand what shall befall thy people in the latter days: for yet the vision [is] for [many] days. 15 And when he had spoken such words unto me, I set my face toward the ground, and I became dumb. 16 And, behold, [one] like the similitude of the sons of men touched my lips: then I opened my mouth, and spake, and said unto him that stood before me, O my lord, by the vision my sorrows are turned upon me, and I have retained no strength. 17 For how can the servant of this my lord talk with this my lord? for as for me, straightway there remained no strength in me, neither is there breath left in me. 18 Then there came again and touched me [one] like the appearance of a man, and he strengthened me, 19 And said, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace [be] unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong. And when he had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me. 20 Then said he, Knowest thou wherefore I come unto thee? and now will I return to fight with the prince of Persia: and when I am gone forth, lo, the prince of Grecia shall come. 21 But I will shew thee that which is noted in the scripture of truth: and [there is] none that holdeth with me in these things, but Michael your prince.” (Daniel 10:14-21 AV)
My soul focuses on three points…
(1) Daniel was rendered dumb from the experience of the vision
(2) Jesus Christ touched Daniel’s lips, which caused him to open his mouth and speak
(3) The words that Daniel wanted to speak required strength to be given to Him by Christ, before he could even utter the supernatural words. Words not normal, but words given to him by Christ to speak in His strength.
I suddenly saw a flicker of light pass through my understanding:
JESUS GAVE DANIEL THE WORDS TO SPEAK AND THE STRENGTHENING OF HIS SOUL SO HE COULD SPEAK THEM!
It’s not my words to be focused in prayer, but the words given to me to speak by my Jesus that creates that deep communication with the LORD God.
My destination of understanding prayer is not complete yet; the journey will be steady and challenging and progress at the pace that God Wills. But I thought that maybe there is another stutterer out there who might receive some new understanding from my journey.
So I wrote it rather than trying to say it!
