When I was a child, I had no value. After I lost the initial benefit of attention-getting cuteness to the parents, life complicated theirs, and my life quickly became of no worth to them. I was the keeper of shame and secrets, certain that revelation would bring separation from the only life I knew. I was right.
When I was a young adult, my worthless nature struggled to be perfect and right and fit in with the normal people of the world. I thought if I could pretend to be alive, that life would come to me and give me a value. If my life was valued equal among the common of the world, then surely I would achieve a peace and happiness that I saw others possess. I played a good game, but in the end, I was merely a worthless actor of no value and no life. And, horror of horrors, what do I do with the sin?
The terrible sins of a lifetime, that had seized my life, controlled me with the force of a wickedness that was unseen but very real. How did I release the grasp of the devil, and prevent the manipulation of minions from ruling my life. I scrubbed and scrubbed in the showers, and peeled my skin away, yet the sin remained firmly rooted upon my body and within it, waiting to rid my sickening, worthless existence forever.
At my lowest point, I had worth without first knowing. The LORD God in his glorious grace called me closer to Him. I don t know why. I was dirty with sin and worth nothing to anyone, yet He called for me to walk toward Him, and I tried. Suddenly, reaching the light of goodness and truth became my only focus; I found that as long as I hoped to reach Him in all His glory, I could ignore the dirtiness and worthlessness of me.
I could read my Bible (but seldom really understood it), and do my good deeds, and pray every day, but it was the same game I played as a young adult. I was trying to fit into the Kingdom of God the same way I fit into the World of Man; by play acting and pretense.
Even with my eyes always searching for the path to reach God, terrible events of life began to crash around me, and my whole world disintegrated before my eyes. I found myself at the lowest point of life, and cried to let that last breath leave me. I was worthless, sinful and lost, and no matter how much I desired, I could not come to Him.
At my darkest night, a strong, faithful Christian woman came to me in the most beautiful blessing given by the LORD God. She told me of her Jesus Christ, which had died for her, and made her clean, and given her the opportunity to walk closer toward Him. Soon I was rushing to the cross, and laying my shame and secrets upon His shoulders, and the blood dripping from his crucified body cleansed me. I was the most downtrodden, most lost, most worthless of sinners, yet His Grace gave me worth, love and life in His sacrifice for me. Praise be to God for His unmerited grace!
I HAD VALUE! I HAD WORTH! I AM A CHILD OF GOD! The path toward the LORD God was made clear to me, and lighted with the light of my Savior Jesus Christ. I no longer would be lost or without love or without hope. I belonged somewhere to Someone who would always love me and protect me and keep me; who would demand my best and expect me to do exactly as He instructed, because I was worth that much to Him!
It was the cross of Jesus, the sacrifice of His life for me, which brought my former life to die with Him. When Jesus Christ resurrected three days later, his risen life brought new life to me. I was born again a new person, clean and worthy in His Kingdom. I will belong eternally to the Kingdom of God, and be loved, wanted and valuable forever, thanks to the sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ, the obedient Son of God. Praise Be to Him!
